A renaissance gal passionista and her amazing family.

Flashback “Fried”day

It’s been a long… very long… week.

But, I know there are a few things I can always count on help me understand why what I am doing is so important (and for a “this is ridiculous” chuckle). Below, is an open letter to Dr. Laura. You know… THE Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

She is something else. So something else that the words she uses to form into sentences almost fry my brain. Hence the title of today’s post “Fried” day.

This letter seems to have originated on the internet in 2000 when Vermont started to permit homosexual civil unions and Dr. Laura regularly made her opinion known about her belief that homosexuals are “mistakes of nature”.

Apparently she doesn’t like people with darker skin color either: http://cloudfront.mediamatters.org/static/flash/pl55.swf

This is why religion is awful.

A Letter to Dr. Laura Concerning God’s Law

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Law and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Lev.25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. The passage clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination – Lev.11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev.11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? – Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

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Comments on: "Flashback “Fried”day" (4)

  1. Ahhh, that letter to Dr. Laura is one of my all-time favorite things I’ve seen on the internet, ever. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. “Why can’t I own Canadians?” Oh that’s awesome! I’ve not seen this before. Thanks for a laugh! ๐Ÿ™‚

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